Dude. I was just listening to the Permies podcast from 10/25, in which Paul Wheaton and Kelda Miller discuss chapter 1 of Sepp Holzer’s Permaculture, and apparently Sepp writes that if you have a lot of sorel on your land, it will be suitable for growing jerusalem artichokes and sunflowers (two volunteers of the latter from birdseed). QED! I want this book! Or else I suppose I could just wait and see what else just kind of happens in my yard.

I love attenuated references to overreferenced cultural phenomena.

I tried to move central walnut two days ago, but she had put down a major-major three-pronged tap root extravaganza, about three times as deep as she is tall aboveground. It was just not happening, as darkness fell, so I piled all the dirt back in. Why did I want to move her? Because I had established a vegetable plot around her this summer and I was concerned that eventually her juglone might mess with the veggies. And it’s possible that’s why my lavender, sage, and fennel weren’t too happy in the same bed this season. But the jerusalem artichokes, mulberry, tomato, oregano, kale and strawberries were all fine, especially the sunchokes, which grew up to about 9 feet.

According to this site, walnut can be coppiced or pollarded, so that’s how I’ll deal with preventing overpowering shade in the middle of the yard. And J.n. can stay where she’s put in so much hard work to survive this past dry summer. And the veggies can go anywhere, come on.

Instead, I moved the little hybrid chestnut from the same bed, which was not happy, over to the back corner where I wanted the walnut to go. She’s in good company with a serviceberry from Suz and a small black cherry.

I sowed the milk thistle quite late, in July, maybe? But it throve in the squash beds and the pecan and linen beds. Unfortunately it didn’t quite have enough time to go to seed and thus reseed itself—I found the first flower about three weeks ago. Each plant made a beautiful, robust, low-spreading starburst of succulent leaves, with the flower emerging in the middle. Apparently the whole plant is edible. I cut off a bunch of leaves and trimmed off the pickers (which are huge and vicious) so I could feed the leaves to the rabbits, and I took a bite of one. It tasted a bit like iceberg lettuce—unobjectionable. The bunnies tucked in immediately. I’ll definitely plant more next year, and earlier. Milk thistle is said to detoxify the liver and slow the growth of cancer cells. The active ingredient is silymarin. I first heard about the plant when I was looking up natural fertility treatments. It’s also supposed to be good for inflammatory bowel disorders. Liver cleansing I can definitely use. I’m going to see what it’s like dried.

Howdy neighbor! Say, looks like that Juglans nigra by the septic tank isn’t holding up too well. That’s a black walnut to you civilians. Can’t say I’m fond myself of the walnut family: a real Genghis Khan with the old tomatoes. Secretes a poison in the roots. Better watch out for the geraniums!

What? Why am I naked? Well, I’m glad you asked me that question, Emily. Can I call you Emily? Great! See, thing is Emily: I’ve got a raging hard-on, a real pants buster so to speak—if I were wearing pants, that is! Hell, I’ve been walking around with a stiffie since I woke up this morning. Clock radio came on and first thing that popped into my head was “Joe boy, you’ve got yourself a real piss boner today. Better make the most of it. Why don’t you see Miss Emily about that walnut?”

Now if I were you, I’d think about cutting that darn walnut down and replacing it with something a little more ornamental-friendly. Like a nice Acer rubrum or Tilia cordata. Some of them linden hybrids the Dutch developed are real nice shade trees and your hostas won’t feel a thing. You’ve got some great hostas there, Emily. [I don't have any hostas.—Ed.]

Huh? Nah, I’m not worried. Why as soon as I went outside, I slathered Joe Blankenstern’s old trouser snake with 65-SPF and a bit of the bug juice. Safe as a summer sausage in a steel sweat sock. Don’t you worry for a minute about Joe Blankenstern’s Mr. Johnson, Emily.

Now you tell the Village Council that those Populus tremuloides are good only for a few years before they start to go. Sure, they look nice and grow fast. Any shade intolerant colonizer species would, after all! But there’s a price to pay for that, Emily my girl, a big price: 5 to 10 years from now when you’re trying sell after Josh leaves you for that secretary in Accounting, they’ll look like shit. You tell him that Joe Blankenstern told you to put in some white pines, maybe Scotch. Shade in the summer, pretty greenery in winter. Bit of a pine man myself, actually.

Well golly, this heat is getting to me. Think I’ll go down to the park and sit in the shade. Cool off with a tall cold one. Have fun at the garden party today—I might stop over later, give you all some advice. And remember: Betula papyriferia are not good yard trees!—Paul Houseman

I drove up to Four Season Nursery and picked up the blue beech, witch hazel, and burr oak I bought on Tuesday. Elberta is out of their delivery radius and delivery would have cost over a hundred dollars, plus I’m sure I get better mileage than they do even hauling a trailer. On the way up I listened to another Permies podcast, about Gaia’s Garden chapter 8, and part of a different earlier one. At some point Paul Wheaton made reference to a lawn care article he’d posted, so I’m going to check that out.

The soil in the parkway is pretty poor—sandy and with mystery bits. Connie came by with a bigger shovel and offered to help. She said, well, this was a railroad and sawmill town. And one of the sawmills was in fact right across the street from my house. I always find rusted remains of metal something or others whenever I dig a hole, in addition to two or three chunks of coal. The other day I found what looked like a small ax blade. Anyway, per the FSN lady, I mixed in a bag of compost (Dairy Doo–I didn’t bother to check up on it, but it can’t be much worse than what’s already in that soil) for each hole, and I also added some bunny house straw. Oh yeah, and I did my thing where I pile up the sod clods as a kind of barrier against the salt that’s coming soon. It’s something, anyway. And then leaves on top.

This morning I pulled the huge locust branches that fell during the last windstorm out of the front yard by the house (where I’d stationed them until I could figure out what to do with them) and into the driveway. I think I’m going to strip them, seeds included (nitrogen) and use that material for more parkway mulch. If I get baby locusts on the parkway, so much the better. I’ll just pull them out, or not. They’re invasive, I’ve heard, but they can only help the soil. And then I’ll see if I can work some magic with the twisty branches. I haven’t bothered to check the fence ordinance.

I’m just flying by the seat of my pants here, people.

Pruning Simplified reminded me that the raspberry canes were overdue for cutting back, so I did that and fed them to the bunnies. Yay, bunnies.

So, the aforementioned person whom I blocked from my Facebook page, at 4:56 today attempted to delete the Petey the Peacock Facebook page, which I set up several months ago, and of which I had made her, along with a bunch of other people, an administrator. I canceled the deletion. Then I posted that she had made the attempt to delete and that I believed it was because of a personal dispute between the two of us. She then, I think, deleted that post.

Man, I knew living in a tiny town was going to be challenging, but I didn’t know what form the challenge was going to take. Sure is interesting….

introduction to ordinance: [...] to secure the public health, safety and welfare of the residents and property owners by the control and regulation of the height of tall grass and weeds in subdivided lands and upon lands along improved streets within the Village; to provide penalties for the violation thereof and to repeal all ordinances or parts of ordinances in conflict therewith.

How have tall grass and weeds affected the health, safety, and welfare of Village residents? I’m thinking this refers to allergies and property values, but what other health concerns have there been? I’m concerned about the carcinogenic pesticides and herbicides some residents may be using on their lawns, as they become airborne and enter the water supply. This ordinance does not address that concern.

effective times of ordinance: May 1 to October 31 of each year

stated purpose of ordinance: The Village [Council? who?] hereby finds that tall grass and weeds can have a blighting effect on neighborhoods and can provide a refuge for vermin and insects… [and so to eliminate this health/welfare/safety concern the grass/weeds must be regulated].

I would like to ask a certain member of the Village government what her family is burning in their outdoor furnace on sunny summer days that smells so toxic. Maybe I’ll do that, during a future discussion of the welfare of the Village.

definitions

• Grass any type of grass or weed, but not including crops grown as a source of income, including but not limited to corn, oats, or barley     This definition includes native grasses as subject to the height restriction. Also, in my case, my grass should be considered a source of income, because I feed it to my rabbits. Will there be a provision for people to prove income from the grass/weeds?
  
• Weeds Canada thistle [got that], dodders (any of the species Cuscuta) [nope], mustards (charlock, black mustard and Indian mustard, species of Brassica aor Sinapis) [I have garlic mustard, but have significantly reduced it this season; my rabbits love it. I also collect it from the bluff for them.], wild carrot [Queen Anne's lace; another bunny favorite], bindweed [I do have a bit of this, but I tear it out whenever I find it wrapped around my favored plants], perennial sowthistle [not more than three or four of these; have been pulling them for the rabbits], hoary alyssum [quite a lot of this, although this season less than last year, because the grass took over], ragweed [a bit of this, but not where the grass is long], and poison ivy [none], poison sumac [none], or other plant [that] comes under the provisions of the Noxious Weeds Act, Public Act 359 of 1941, as amended, including grass over eight inches in height, other than that part of a vegetable or flower garden, is regarded as a common nuisance.

So how do you define vegetable or flower garden? Grass flowers, after all. What about plantings of native grasses? How will acceptable plantings be defined? If there are demarcated beds, is that sufficient? How may they be demarcated?

this ordinance does not apply to: Portions of lots used for flower gardens, shrubbery or vegetable gardens. Naturally wooded areas, regulated wetlands or meadows. Areas designated as undeveloped open space.”

it shall be the duty of all owners and/or occupants of land located in the Village of Elberta to cut or otherwise destroy by lawful means all tall grass and weeds, as defined in this ordinance, which are growing upon said property, before they reach the seed bearing stage[...]

Since chemical pesticides are currently lawful, this ordinance allows for pesticide application. The ordinance should therefore include a requirement to warn neighboring property owners ahead of such pesticide applications, since the purpose of the ordinance is to preserve the health and welfare of the Village.

unlawful acts: to allow or maintain upon any portion of such lot or parcel any growth of tall grass or weeds as defined herein, or to permit the deposit or accumulation upon any portion of such lot or parcel of land of any brush, yard debris, dead vegetation, or cut grass or weeds so as to create a nuisance due to unsightliness, an unhealthy or unsafe condition, or traffic hazard, or fire hazard.

What about woodpiles? Woodpiles are dead vegetation. An exemption for that? What about compost piles? Exemption for that? For how long a period of time does “accumulate” cover? How soon after one accumulates brush must it be gone? Does this require owners to bag and dispose of grass clippings? Who gets to say when something has become unsightly?

enforcement:

• A. This Ordinance shall be enforced by such persons who shall be so designated by the Village Council, who shall for purposes of this ordinance be the Village of Elberta Ordinance Enforcement Officer (OEO).
• B. Right of Entry. The [OEO]  and his or her authorized representatives are hereby empowered to enter upon any premises or land in the Village of Elberta for the purpose of inspecting, removing of and/or destroying of tall grass and weeds prohibited under this ordinance. No person shall molest or interfere with such person or person while they are engaged in carrying out the provisions of this ordinance.
• This is deeply problematic in my view. That an agent of the Village may enter someone’s property to “inspect” it, solely on the pretense of there being grass or weeds over 8 inches in height anywhere on the property.
• C. Violation of Notice. After inspection, if any property is determined to be in violation of this ordinance, a Violation Notice will be sent to the property owner and/or occupant of said premises [...]. The notice shall be sent by both first class and/or by posting a copy of said notice on the property. The notice shall give the property owner 15 days from the date of the notice to cut the tall grass and weeds.
• That wording needs to changed to “sent by both first class mail and by posting a copy … on the property” because of the out of town owners.
• D. Failure to Comply. If the tall grass and weeds are not cut within 15 days the OEO shall have the authority to enter upon the land and/or to cause the lawn to be mowed by an authorized representative who is hereby empowered to enter upon any premises or land in the Village of Elberta for the purpose of mowing tall grass and weeds in violation of this ordinance even if the property owner and/or occupant failed to actually receive said notice. The Village of Elberta, its agents and representatives shall not be responsible for damage to buildings, vehicles, landscape, trees, shrubs, etc. during the mowing of property in violation of this ordinance.
• So once someone has determined that your garden is not a garden they may destroy it partially or even completely with impunity and without any compensation for the money  and time you may have spent planting it. And then they charge you for it…
• Assessment of Costs. All expenses of such cutting, to include equipment usage, transportation, man-hours involved, and overhead, including any and all cost incurred in the removal or relocation of debris, junk or other miscellaneous obstructions which would be necessary or convenient to carry out the requirements of this Ordinance shall be paid by the owners plus an administrative charge of 15% per residential parcel, per cutting. After having a lot mowed, the Township shall then submit a bill to the property owner for the cost of the mowing. If the property owner does not pay the bill within sixty days of the date of the invoice the cost of such payment shall be charged against the premises and it shall become a lien on the land or property assessed of the same character in effect as the lien created by general law for taxes, plus an additional delinquency fee of 10% per month until paid.

Penalties:

• A. Any violation of this Ordinance shall be a Municipal Civil Infraction, subject to payment of a civil fine of not less than $50, plus applicable costs and other sanctions for each violation as authorized by Section 21 of Act 359 of the Public Acts of 1947 and the Village of Elberta Civil Infraction Enforcement Ordinance.
• B. Repeat offenses … shall be subject to increased fines as provided by this Section. As used in this Section, “repeat offense” means a second (or any subsequent) violation of the same requirement or provision of this Ordinance within any six month period [...]. The increased fine for a repeat offense … shall be as follows: 1. … not less than $250 plus costs. 2. … for a second repeat offense … not less than $500 plus costs.
• C. Each day on which any violation of this Ordinance occurs or continues, constitutes a separate offense subject to separate sanctions.
• D. If there is any evidence of retaliation by any offender against any complainant or witness, such evidence shall be communicated to the District Court. In sentencing any violator, the District Court or Magistrate shall first examine the evidence of retaliation, and if such be shown, shall consider such acts, including the amount of property damage, and sentence the violator accordingly, which sentence may included restitution for any damage.

[...violation of the ordinance is a nuisance and the Village can sue you, also, in addition to assessing you a fee and mowing your yard, etc.]

Severability: The several provisions of this ordinance are declared to be separate; if any Court shall hold that any section or provision hereof is invalid, such holding shall not affect or impair the validity of any other section or provision of this ordinance.

I think this is so you have to spend a lot of money taking them to court on several separate issues.

GENERAL QUESTIONS

• What if a resident puts up a fence, so the grass/weeds can’t be seen? Would the Village still be allowed right of entry to inspect the property for violation?
• What procedure should residents follow to get approval for garden plans? Who on the Council will determine what constitutes a flower or vegetable garden? How will this decision be made? at a Council meeting, or at a separate meeting? Will there be any provision for appeal if a garden plan is rejected?
• What provisions will be made to protect the public from exhaust fumes from power mowers, use of insecticides and herbicides, and noise nuisances from early or late loud power mowing?

One of my neighbors just posted the following in the midst of a discussion on my Facebook page about the lawn ordinance:

So yes, this morning was Linda’s first look at the ordinance, when she picked up her packet. She doesn’t know who wrote it. It appears to her to have been cobbled together from other communities’ ordinances, considering that in several places the word “Township” appears where it should say “Village.” The “weed” definitions are based on a public act from 1941 against noxious weeds. This is all fine. But at the very least the typos should be cleared up and re-presented before a vote, n’est-ce pas?

I picked up a copy of the proposed lawn ordinance at the Village Office on Tuesday morning. This morning, Thursday, I got an e-mail from Linda Manville saying that she picked up her packet and she was surprised to see the ordinance was there and was on the agenda, “ready for a vote.”

When I spoke with the attorney Roy Montney, last week, he said it would normally not be correct procedure for an ordinance to come up for a vote on the same day that it is presented, without due public review (let alone time for the council to properly review it), but that I should check the Village bylaws—it may be correct in Elberta . I haven’t looked it up in the bylaws, but I’m going to ask for chapter and verse if this does indeed come up for a vote tonight. So that might be my whole argument. I might not even have to get into the fruity stuff about how I love grass.

Here it is, by the way….

Proposed Lawn Maintenance Ordinance Village of Elberta

More analysis TK today in between jobs…